First Day of School

Today was my first day at Orange Coast College!!! I was SOOOOO nervous, I can't even tell you!! I started pacing and left 2 hours before it started, which was a good thing because the line at the bookstore was atrocious. So I went from giddy to excited after 200 people piled in the class, lining the walls and sitting in the isle trying to get into it...gotta love pits. Anyway, in the end, I am so thrilled to be in school again doing this. It makes my heart just soar and reminds me my sweet Declan. Somehow I feel closer to him by doing this, if that makes any sense.




Thanks for keeping me in your prayers as I begin my long 5 year journey. I know it's going to be tough, but I am SO ready for this challenge...BRING IT ON!!!!

Back up and Running!

Hello again!! I know it's been far too long since my last blog. For those who have been patiently waiting for its resurrection, I appreciate your loyalty.

The reason for not blogging is from the request of our lawyer. We had sought counsel about possibly going after the hospital surrounding Declan's death. But we just found out today that his case was just too complicated to say that there was clear evidence of negligence. He had so many things wrong with him that pointing to one thing as an indicator of his death because of the hospital or doctors was wrong. I have my own opinions, but that's because I'm Declan's emotional mother. :)

The facts remain that he did indeed have cancer since they took a tumor out and biopsied it, and that he had no evidence of cancer from his autopsy. The cause of death was too much chemo. Everyone signs a waiver who gets chemo that states something along the lines of "this stuff is toxic and can kill you, so too much of it can have you pushing up daises". Okay, it's not really that humorous.

I know that Declan had a really rare cancer and that there's just not enough research done to say what types of chemo and quantities are best for hepatoblastomas. They tried to save him, I know they did, and were just going off of what they learned from the day or two they heard about Beckwith-Weidemann Syndrome and the possible few cases they learned about at medical school. This I understand.

It just breaks my heart that he actually DID beat cancer, but couldn't beat chemo. I regret ever signing that form, and know I would have done things so differently had I known the outcome. Every parent says that who's lost a child. Coulda-woulda-shoulda. I did everything in my power with the best information I had at the time, putting my entire confidence in the medical doctors to save him. Now I know differently. I just wish I didn't have to learn the hard way. No one does I suppose.

His death had a purpose. I can see so many people moved by faith because of him. My little 4 month old had no idea how many were affected by him. And to be so mad and upset about what happened is silly too. He's in heaven!!!!! No more chemo, no more pain, no more sorrow. He's enjoying what Jesus did for him, and to that I am happy.

Liam's First Bus Ride

Liam had his first bus ride today! It seemed to take forever to set up, and Liam has been wanting to go on that bus for weeks! But today was the glorious day!!!! YEA!!!! He was so excited, and got out of bed faster than I've ever seen him this morning. :)

Getting on the bus for the first time:




I LOVE this picture:




Pulling away to school:




My baby's growing up!!!!



I'm so proud of you bud!!! :)